ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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