so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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