i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
