I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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