So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
