You just made me feel so damn special
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
