So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he puts the penis in happiness.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
