why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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