I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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