ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
