toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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