My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
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Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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