just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
