there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
