Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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