Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
