im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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