I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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