quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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