found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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