I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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