The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
