Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
