You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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