Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
