I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
