Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
