Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
