It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
