All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
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Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
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I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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