It's like a parade of train wrecks.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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