New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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