he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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