I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
