I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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