wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
