He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
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He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
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I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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