Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize