so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
