not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
