The maid of honor just puked.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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