her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
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