Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
