she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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