You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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