quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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