Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
there's paper in my vomit.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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