I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
