I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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