never play flip cup with pint glasses
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
