Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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