guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Welp...herpes.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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