did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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