saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
